I listen to 松隆子‘s 或星, which makes me imagine that the Earth is a lonely planet in the universe, where the only place has lives. This feeling is same as when I dream of standing in the middle of a desert, since I feel totally isolated from everything or nothing. I apply this feeling to people in modern society and I call all of us as individual 'lonely plantez'. Because we all has an inner thought that has never been seen by anyone else, and this thought sometimes makes you feel lonely, but somehow familiar as well. Maybe it is confusing to apply such concept into reality, because people just keep telling themselves that human is a social animal. But we complaint about those conflicts and disppointment arised from such society, even sometimes we celebrate. And the thought of 'lonely planetz' will always be obvious when we experience the hardest time in our lives. That is why, now, for me, problems solved or not is not important at all. More importantly is how I bring such thought of 'lonely planet' close to a Oasis, fed by a river of 'refreshness' or 'courage', to walk out the deseart.

  当我也不想忘掉你的时候，事情已失去我控制的范围，我一直以为不闻不问是另自己忘记你最好的方法，可是时间和现实已出卖我的意愿。我的一个朋友说我做春梦，我告诉他我是做爱的春梦，而不是性的春梦。虽然两者都可有一定的关联，也有人不相信爱和性是dividable的, 不过我个人认为我不会蠢到在梦中满足性的要求吧？

算吧，我还是不要讲的太深吧，免得有一些读者会想太多。不过今天我重点还是会到离别吧。我觉得人是很可怜的，因为每一次的离别都不是生就是死，有时候真是宁愿一切还没开始过。可是感情是很难控制的吗，当你觉得有可能开始或者是觉得有一天真会梦想成真是，又很难去放弃。所以我承认我很贱就是拉。不过我现在尝试比较电影或者是2046式的离别，可能对对方一句话也不用说，用一个眼神就搭够。又或者会装失忆，装忧郁，装她妈的任何东西去搞到自己档次很高。算了吧噢是有一点激动吧，连粗话都说了，看来我还是讲一些其他东西吧。

Ｌｉｎｋｉｎ　Ｐａｒｋ＇ｓ　Ｎｅｗ　Ａｌｂｕｍ，　ｆｅａｔｕｒｉｎｇ　＇Ｗｈａｔ　Ｉ＇ｖｅ　Ｄｏｎｅ＇　４　ｏｕｔ　ｏｆ　５！

Ａｖｒｉｌ　Ｌａｖｉｇｎｅ＇ｓ　＇Ｇｉｒｌｆｒｉｅｎｄ＇　３　ｏｕｔ　ｏｆ　５！

Ｄａｕｇｈｔｒｙ＇ｓ　＇Ｉ　ａｍ　ｏｖｅｒ　ｙｏｕ＇　ｄｅｓｅａｒｖｅｓ　５　ｏｕｔ　ｏｆ　５！

Ｔｈｅ　Ｋｏｏｋｓ＇　＇Ｉｎｓｉｄｅ　Ｉｎ　Ｉｎｓｉｄｅ　Ｏｕｔ＇　ｆｅａｔｕｒｉｎｇ　＇Ｓｈｅ　ｍｏｖｅｓ　ｉｎ　ｈｅｒ　ｏｗｎ　ｗａｙ＇　ｌａｎｄ　ｗｉｔｈ　４　ｏｕｔ　ｏｆ　５！

Ｍｙ　Ｃｈｅｍｉｃａｌ　Ｒｏｍａｎｃｅ＇ｓ　＇Ｉ　ｄｏｎ＇ｔ　ｌｏｖｅ　ｙｏｕ＇　５　ｏｕｔ　ｏｆ　５，　ａｌｓｏ　ｔｈｅ　ｂｅｓｔ　ｖｅｄｉｏ　（ｉｎ　ｍｙ　ｏｗｎ　ｏｐｉｎｉｏｎ），　ｏｕｔ　ｏｆ　ｔｈｅｓｅ　ａｌｌ！

Ｒｅｄ　Ｊｍｐｓｕｉｔ　Ａｐｐａｒａｔｕｓ＇　＇Ｆａｃｅ　Ｄｏｗｎ＇，　ｒｅａｌｌｙ　ｉｎｔｅｒｅｓｔｉｎｇ　ｉｎｓｔｒｕｍｅｎｔａｌ　ａｎｄ　ｖｏｃａｌ　ｐｅｒｆｏｒｍａｎｃｅ　ｗｉｔｈ　４．５　ｏｕｔ　ｏｆ　５．

  I watched Doraemon's 'Bluebird' at youtube today, it said that 大雄 always complainted about being the most unlucky one having his worst days, when his zero graded paper, ditched by 静儿, and of course bullied by 技安. Doraemon gave 大雄 a net and a light, which needed to have a caught bird being shone under the light to gain the blue color, then hence he would get happiness and joy. Doraemon quoted from a legend that two children who experienced tragedies and was looking for the bluebird which would bring them fortune and happiness.

In reality bluebird would soon become that kind of religious 'figure' that shared by a 'culture' consisted of people in unfortune in my opinion. Of course net and light are only imaginary methodology used to make the figure of bluebird more realistic to be found. But there should be a differen bluebird in everyone's mind, as we all have different situations or demands. But what would be the best way to know where to find the bluebird? In my opinions, bluebird is found when I get an excellent day that nothing and no one bothers me and I can sit down and relax and do whatever random things that just come up in my mind and soon being achieved. But even I look like I do not care about what is bothering me, it is just the fact that I do not want to be brought down. But concluded that  bluebird can be found when I try to bring up my past memories which to cover the current thought.

Imaginary Conver*
'I will find my blue bired' - A
'I would end up everything here and that's it.' - B
'You go your way and I go mine' - A
'Fine' - B
(A walks away）

  I still listen to Fiona's 'Black Little and Me', because I feel sad about the trgedies happened to her in mv. It is a story of experiencing a real world of minority, and coping with peoples' preconceptions. But what I like is that no matter how bad things get around her, she survives wth Black Little. The relationship she has developed with Black Little always makes me feel like having a cat. I feel like being a traveller, go over different places having different lives with uncertain intervals. However life is too hard and what I can do is to perceive myself getting onto a different stage wit a certain intervals. It is still all good 'cause I like leave those unsolved stuffs behind.

My favourite thing is that everytime I feel like to move onto a different stage, I will have a totally different group of people around me. I start forgetting those ones before and I can change quite dramatically somehow not often in the stage-transition. But wouldn't that be a nice thing if I change to become another to get different impressions and hence leave a different footprint in every stage. That's why I relate myself with Black Little, because I am a 'traveller'.

And what about Miriam's 'Small Town's Story'? It was released in 2003 and I am still listening to it now. The special reason I think is that this song kind of relavant to the current stage that I feel like going nowhere. I would like take my suitcase and sleep under the bridge till the morning, but I know I may get robbed although I having nothing valuable except my life.

Sometimes I perceive my shadow as Black Little too. I know I am not pathetic, and I do not want peoples' sympathy. Somehow everytime I feel sympathy and I feel bad to having myself standing that and being fed wit looks and opinions. I think my current stage is ending soon, and I am going move on again with my Black Little. The people all around me at this stage except some classmates at uni, will be all left behind with no conclusion. I feel bad, but better than being pathetic.

  Although I am not a religious person, I wish for luck sometimes when I see other people celebrate theirs. If I need to say that luck is the only component to make it true, my blog would be banned from others' disagreements. What if I am not a risk taker? Is it an disadvantages not to take risks? I ask these questions to myself all the time because I am in between left or right. In some cases, such as buying a 1kg yoghurt, it is certain that I will buy a plain one because it is nice when it is added onto my cereal breakfast, I would still take a look at the strawberry one just simply because of its colorful or fruitful packages.

Sometimes hard-work is not proportional to the outcomes, and that is always the case in erikology. Does it indicate the random errors or more likely there is a bias existed with invisible outlook? But sometimes it is also too complicated for me to find it out so it ends up that I stuck between left and right and still have not clear logic about which one is more worthy and a 'better' outcome to me.

An now I have a problem. I tod my friend that I was going to hand in my resignation this week, but after I finished telling him and my shift that day, my mom told me that I need a proof of full-time work from my boss. And I am stucked again. Altough I always emphasise how much of unwillingness I have to getting involved into all those complicated procedures even it is related to my family. So I can't leave my job now. I get tired and I think it is good if I can start concentrating my UMA for the coming month and also other subjects' work. So it always happens in a series to make me feel there's no ending for all. But I know I leave for sure, live to ensure, and wish to luck.