新西兰的冬天总是乌云密布，天有一点想塌下来似的。幸好不用上课，就算外头风大雨大，家，总是暖暖的，有一点让我一睡不醒的感觉。还好，我家隔音不是很好，树枝吹打的杂音还是会保持我的清醒。最近不知为什么会突然对身边一两个朋友发毛，可能是因为他们都犹豫不决，每一次都把我弄得头晕。好像前几天，说借我的车去办事，可是又不回复我的短信，搞到我都不知道他是否还需要我的车？另一个更搞笑，自己要等父母来我家接他，还在问他可不可以流到父母来时，难道我会叫他在街上流连一个小时么？所以我会觉得，客套有时候是给人一种待人有礼的感觉，可是过分的犹豫或客套，会令人厌烦，厌烦自己的不到别人的信任，厌烦自己要重复同一个答案很多遍。

可能使我处事还没够火候，我样子是有一点麻木，反映也会慢一拍，所以有一些朋友会觉得我给人一种很冷淡的感觉。相反，当我兴奋的时候，会表现得很明显，有时候还会over掉别人都怕怕。喜怒融于脸色的我可能会让身边的人分外小心，特别是要求我做一些事情。可是这也不代表他们所想象的，就是我所认为的。他们可能会觉得我会喜欢由一些有教养，或是有礼貌的朋友，可是我也不喜欢一些装出来的客套和礼貌。他们可能觉得我会拒绝他们的要求，可是当我答应了以后，我需要一个清楚的时间和地点，才能帮到别人，而不是答应了就不闻不问。

虽然这乌云密布的日子还会维持一段时间，可是当我想到自己身边的人和物，都给了自己一份莫名奇妙的安逸。就在还没有暴风雨袭击的这一天，我会懒惰地什么都不管，想一些有的没的。我自己需要的是安逸，暂时别无所求。

  Holidays always make me feel so relax and bored, seems like living has no meaning at all. Although sometimes I still recall my busy past, to remind how lucky I should feel at this moment. So that I go out with friends, to communicate with them and get some progress in our relationships - to understand more about each other.

Today I watched Mr 3 Minutes from Hong Kong, it is about how precious is every moment that you spend with your family. I think this film starts off as a comedy, telling all the audience that every moment in life can be a 3 minute comedy. Mr 3 Minute also says that life should not be judged by time, but by its fullness.

I am not happy today, some of my friends know the reason. But never mind, maybe there is a miracle come at the next minute, or any moment in life. Sometimes I tell myself that getting what I want is not meaning my life is fully content, but it is the things I learn. http://CricNoir.bebo.com I put a photo of my mid-night feast. This makes me feel my current life is fully content with happiness, even I feel lonely. I still trust miracle and dreams, even they might be getting further and further away.

  "yeeeeeeeeeee, sour taste, like lemon, or pickles........" They have senses of humour. After I read the review of "The Postmodern Life of My Aunt, I feel like to write about our tastes and senses in life. Big fall after big rise always make me hesitates before take another risk. Seachange or endlessness? Everytime I look at the same people I meet every day or week, I am afraid to lose my taste, becoming numb, am I not?

Coping strategy is always weakened in every surprise I face. Just like 9/11, even the whole great nation was under frightened by the terrorists' attack on twin towers, wounds still opening. Hence when I start worrying my future, I lose my sense of presence. Anyway, I finished another tired day after long shift and just wonder how good and hwo bad I can be, and why some people just don't trust what I said? I would assume there be no surprise that outlooks can really determines how people judge you, and my tastes of such experience is not only sour, but bitter and long-lasting. So that I would choose to becoming numb nd endless path, that at least not making my hesitates when I walk out the door, and choose not only to face myself, but to other people.

Somehow it is believable that your dream can come true. It is cruel to having such a thought especially by the time of depression. My last exam was hardest out of all - Bio 107. I am not ready for bad news, but I have to get another plan if I can't succeed in doing what I want. So back to the Just The Matter Of Time, I mean it is kind of positive to say that, but sometimes I really feeling tired about telling myself that I can do it and I will be whatever I imagine now.

But how much does time matter? I can say it does matter a lot. Maybe for talented kids, it is not far for success, but time is still needed to realize other important things in life. It may be true that time can be passing so fast when you look at other people. Example one of my work-mate got pregnant and her baby was born about a month ago. If you have a friend gave birth to a baby, you also feel like life is continuous. It is quite a stupid thing to say, but it is good to be a baby, no worry, no struggle. It is kind of build-up effects of learning, but learning takes too long. By the time you learn one thing, there will be another for you to learn. 

Although after the first year of uni, me and my friends all realize that we are facing different paths in front of us. But like Nat said, we will still be friends. Just like some of my friends now at uni, are from Penrose High, where I used to study. I did not know that having friends sitting together at L2 Common can be simple but also impressive. It is believable in time, that each of us is going to get what we want. Just the matter of time wouldn't give up such relationship in the future. Those people I am seeing everyday now will be the people I am going to share my stories with about life in society in the future.

In China, when I was little, I always sit on the roof of the apartments building, and look at the view of the city. I would wonder in such cloudy and smoky city, how far could I look? Of course by the age of 13, I knew it was a happy year, since I started my intermediate at that time. School mates always come along and say, 'horny, nerdy kid'. I felt like being blessed, but mocked at the same time. I didn't really understand what kind of people should I become, or what kind of things was I supposed to say. I saw the building with smoke coming out, and surprisingly it is not on fire. My sense told me it was a hospital, or a factory. What were the other options? Maybe I was still a kid. When I walked away from such complement from my school mate, I turned to the canteen, to getting my favourite rice noodles. Waiting is no longer a daily practice until I came to New Zealand. No wonder why people mocked me, 'cause I did not wait?

After I realized there was another world outside the smoke, I felt ashamed, and tried to run away from being who I was. Of course I have not seen such smoky day until I started form 5 at Penrose. I could see less stuff than I thought I would. I got into a small community where everything got so close to you at a sudden. But somehow it did not make feel safe. No one tried to look over the smoke, because they just pretended curiously look for the next bus, was that stagecoach, or east and howick?

Back to the world I belong to now, no muc difference from my Penrose Era, maybe still getting a bit annoyed by that smoke. Lucky that it only shows up twice this year. Other than that, eveytime I try to look ahead, I see my path. And everytime I hear the voices from my family in China, I know there is a world outside the smoke where everything can be quite close, quite safe.